Religion or Relationship and marriage

Religion or Relationship - check out this post as well.

Sometimes I wish it were about Religion instead of Relationship... Religion is so much easier in a sense. It's clear, that's what it is. If you do this...  than... - garanteed.

If I read my bible and pray everyday than I'll be a good christian. 

Anybody think like that? I certainly do. 

But if I apply this same logic to my marriage for example it doesn't work as well. 

If I am slim and well dressed every day, my husband will always find me attractive.
If I cook the meals and keep the house clean, my husband will always feel loved.
If I tell my husband all the time how great he is and how much I appreciate and love him, he will always feel important.

Although all of these activities are good to do, none of them garantee the same outcome each time.

Can we earn a good marriage? 

I seriously believe we could do everything right and still there will be no garantees of a good marriage. Why? Because every relationship takes 2 people to make it work. It's not about doing everything right, it's about 2 people wanting to make it work and taking the time and making the effort to invest in the relationship. And people need different things at different times. 

We humans are complex creatures (how can we be anything less when we're created in God's image!). We often don't even understand ourselves, let alone our partner. So how can a simple bunch of rules be enough to garantee anything? 

A relationship requires more. It requires making an effort to see the other person: his needs, wants, desires, wishes, joys, trials, insecurities, accomplishments, character - warts and all. Relationship also requires us to act on what we see, to use what we see in our interaction with the other person.

Relationship doesn't have a 'one-size-fit-all'. It's custom-made. Every relationship is unique simply because every person is unique and wonderfully made. 

So, no garantees, no easy answers, no 'if you do this... than...'. We cannot earn a good relationship with Jesus any more than we can earn a good marrital relationship by doing everything right (religion). (Isn't that a pity? Now I have to actually think about my relationships, not just once, not just at the beginning, but regularly and for as long as the relationship lasts.)

Jesus stands at the door to our hearts and knocks (Revelation 3:20). He wants to be in our hearts, in the place that controls our lives, our very essense, who we are. He doesn't want a superficial, let's drink tea together in the living room relationship. He wants to be at the core of who we are (read an excellent sermon from WestHighLands on giving God control here. Also, a must-watch short sketch from OneTimeBlind callen 'The Stool'.). 

If we choose to let Him in, He will eat with us (His initiative) and we with Him (our response). Mealtimes weren't the rush jobs they often are these days. In New Testament times "mealtime was a time of doctrine, fellowship, the breaking of bread, and prayers!" (read an article by David Black on this subject here)

Relationships are hard work sometimes and a soft cushion to fall other times. But they are also endlessly more rewarding than anything we achieve simply by following the rules.

Religion or Relationship?

When we pray, read the bible, celebrate our faith - are we being religious or working on a relationship?

The difference between Religion and Relationship is the must.
What freedom is ours through Jezus Christ who fulfilled the law - we no longer must, we may.
(The Delta course has an excellent study on The Law and Grace - very interesting!)

Religion says:
I must go to church every Sunday.
I must read my bible every day.
I must pray every day.
I must be active in Christian celebrations and activities.

Relationship says:
I want to know God better and that's why I want to read my bible as much as possible. Because in the bible God tells me about Himself so that I can get to know Him and hear what He has to say to me. I don't have to feel guilty if a day goes by and I haven't managed to find the time to read His Word. I am commiting no sin.
God desires and longs to be in a relationship with me. But His invitations to get to know Him better and to let Him get to know me better are just that: invitations. Invitations I can either choose to accept, or ignore.
God wants to give me His wisdom and love so that I can become more like Him. But in His Love he lets me be free. He doesn't give me unsollicited advise. He doesn't push His way on me. He just waits patiently until I ask Him for advise and He lets me choose to follow Him... or not.

A friend of mine is concert pianist. I once told her that I wished I could play as well as she did. I've never forgotten her surprising answer: 'You can... IF you're willing to practice at it as much as I have'.
It's no different in relationships. I need to ask myself what kind of relationship I want to have with my heavenly Father. And then invest in that relationship accordingly. It's not realistic to expect to be best friends with someone if I never see them or speak to them or even think about them.

There's a difference between disciplining myself to read my bible even though I really don't feel like it because my deepest desire is to be in a very real relationship with my heavenly Father and making 'Daily Bible Reading' a law that may not be broken on penalty of being a bad christian if I do.
The difference is that with discipline I am focussed on the end, on my goal, which is a personal relationship with my Lord. While laws are me focussing on the means, on the daily bible reading and losing sight of the end, of my desire to be in a relationship with God.

So, to recap.
It's good to remain focussed on the end: my desire to be in a personal relationship with the Lord.
It's also good to practice discipline in working to achieve that end (2 Peter 1:6-7).

The pitfall is making the means the end. Reducing the end (relationship with God) to a means (reading the bible every day).

In a sense, religion is the means to the end: relationship.
And the easiest way to tell whether I'm working at religion or relationship is asking myself: must I or may I?

Important note: Must is not the same as 'I don't feel like it right now'. If we only ever did what we felt like doing we'd get nowhere in a hurry. Feelings should be taken into consideration always, but not given the final say.
Important note2: Discipline is not a must, it is a choice. It's a character quality that we can develop by practicing. Practice makes perfect... if we keep practicing. Failing doesn't make us bad christians. God looks at our hearts and sees the longing for relationship there. And He'll meet us where we are if our longing for Him is sincere. And He'll help us develop what we need to become the men and women of God that He created us to be.